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I walked down the block to a corner store and asked for a pack ofMarlboros."Umm, no actually, I'll have a pack of Marlboro 100s. No ... a pack ofVirginia Slims." Silly, but it seemed to be my first decision as my newself. I unwrapped the pack and lit one as I walked back toward Bloomingdales.I stood outside the entrance as I finished it, watching the people passon the sidewalk, getting in and out of cabs, revolving in and out of thedepartment store doors. Eyes flashing, noticing me. Three women,smartly dressed, walked toward the entrance, talking, laughing. One ofthem looked directly at me. Our eyes locked for a moment. Anuncomfortable moment. I had no perception of what that look meant. I had no sense of self. Itook two quick drags of the cigarette, hardly conscious of the smokewhooshing from my nostrils. I ground out the cigarette with my shoe.Those mules, those stupid mules. This dress, those shoes, it was aclumsy combination. That apprehension grew. Did they see. But the hormones continued doing their magical job. In the two monthsafter getting my trans clitoris, my breasts grew about another cup. Myareolas and nipples also grew a little bigger. Four months into mytransition, my chest had reached the perfect proportion with my belly andshoulders. Mustapha was in adoration of my torso. To this day, hemaintains that was the most beautiful my breasts have been. The lovebetween us had evolved in a full spiritual, sensual experience. In thekitchen in the morning, at the swimming pool in the afternoon, I bed atnight, I offered my body and my femininity to my master, the focus of mylife as a woman. In return, he infused his masculinity in me, kissing mynipples, my antennae, the channels through which he communicated directlywith my female heart and soul.The more tender love he infused in me with his warm, musky embrace and hisadoring kisses, the more I felt drawn to him in a very spiritual way. Mysubmission and devotion to Mustapha were now a.
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